A Meandering Life

The burden of love, the drag of living a day,
Like a ticking time bomb,
Designed to be blown away.

The neverending stain,to love my hate,
Like a doomsday machine,
Resigned to its fate.

To wake up in the morn,the yellow sunrise,
Like my very own eyes,
Duplicate a torture device.

Heal these spectral wounds,with a life or none.
Like a silent lifeless corpse,
Whose decay has begun.

The love that never will be..

Here we are,
Standing face to face.
Words were never spoken,
And we'll head our separate ways.

Know now that an old love takes it's toll.
And I'm not free to love you heart and soul.
I want to love you, but I don't know when,
I guess it's just too soon, too soon to love again.

A single tear starts to form,
I hang my head in shame.
Wishing your touch would keep me warm.
I walk away thinking I'm to blame.

I ask myself, what would have been,
In different circumstances, I would have known.
For the most beautiful love we ever could have,
But a love that will never be grown.

The young monk that grew Old

He looks around, here and everywhere,
He can never help but endlessly stare.
Stare at the high sky that mocks his soul,
As the ground below tries to swallow him whole.

His faith in the Lord's falling, just like before,
But his preaching urge his heart to search for more.
He gave up his childhood to silence n prayer,
Sacrificed his dreams,his clothes and his hair.

He asks what he had set out for, did he attain??
Barring the steel he has,to endure the sun & the rain.
He feels ashamed & guilty,to question his faith & belief,
He decides to pray again to oust this feeling of grief.

Thus he closes his eyes as he kneels down to pray,
Begs the Almighty to ask a question if he may.
"Can you see me God? Hear my earnest prayer;
I need you to help me,Make me see you are there.
I've given myself to you,Never had a thing to hide.
Had belived my life would be full,yet am so empty inside."

He feels he's sinned to doubt his faith,& so to make amends,
He has to find the truth n walk on,the journey that never ends.

Just wondering...

Sometimes I wonder why we exist,
And why we dare to dream.
Other times I close my mind,
And hope it doesn't scream.

Sometimes I wonder why we are,
And where we hope to go.
Other times I close my eyes,
And hope it doesn’t show.

Sometimes I wonder why we live,
And why do we want to even try.
Other times I close my heart,
And hope it doesn't cry...

The truth that hides

I see, I hear, I think and I realise
that truth is all around to support and guide.

Can one tiny mistake hide that truth,
Can it make me a hypocrite for life.
Can it change how she sees me,
Or who I really am inside??

I guess these are the mistakes we learn from
And in time the wounds left, do heal.
But a pressing thing that time will never do,
Is change the guilt that i feel.

I'm Drunk....

I'm a man who won't let himself be.
But I will suffer still for your pain,
I will decorate my heart like a tomb,
And stand by it in the seething rain.

I will wait and let my life drift away,
As I stand before my grave in tears.
Thou reader won't guage my feelings,
Myself never understood them all these years...

The Arbitrary Song Epic

Scooby Doo, where are you??
Hiding someplace cold & blue?

Blue is the colour of my shirt,
Given to me by my friend Kurt.

Kurt is a rich kid,I wish I could be..
Have a 100 maids to pamper me.

I guess so many maids would cost a lot,
If I spend so much,at least they should be hot!!

Hot is the feeling, when I stare at the sun,
As I play in the sea,on its beaches I run.

I run so fast,my ears heed the winds cajole,
As a paper would plead to a scissor cutting across its soul.

Soul is a meta-physical notion,faith in it I have less,
Buy the higher thoughts,you will turn into a mess.

Mess food sucks big time,
To eat there is a crime.

Crime has busted all barriers,ubiquitous are murders & rapes.
The media sells it all. Sex, lies and video tapes.

Video tape is what we got, in a course review,
Saw it in the garbage last week,untouched & new.

New things, I debate.
Will turn old,them you'll hate.

I hate adolescence,
Full of ignorance.

Ignorance is bliss,
Like yr eyes closed n a kiss.

Kiss is a gift, the best I can surmise.
Rips thru your body, the feel of paradise.

Paradise, the pub in Goa, made us furious,
The chicks were pathetic,the booze was spurious.

Spurious are we all, for spurious is life,
Wife to husband, husband to wife.

A wife is what I need,hugs me when I come from work.
Spend holidays watching a Sony,& driving in a Merc.

A Merc would be nice, we'll make love in our garage,
Better I think of a Maruti & stop chasing a mirage.

A mirage is an illusion that will come true,
If you work hard for yr dreams & have the man in you.

The man in you is the man that you fear,
You'll discover the bitter truth,more when he's near.

Near lived the bombshell, who drove in a jeep,
We tried jumping over her mansion walls,at least have a peep.

Peeping Toms are dicks,
With their uncontrollable pricks.

Pricks nothing more than have your love betray,
Leaves you blind in the uncertainty of darness & dismay.

Dismay is perennial, like the air you consume,
Happiness is a rarity,like the sweet smell of perfume.

Perfumes are expensive,I can't ever come to terms,
Ain't it just water mixed with shitty chemicals & germs.

Germs are so dirty,
Most girls these days are flirty.

Flirty was our Maths Teacher,
A bloody non-practising preacher.

A preacher is a pig, if he can't practice what he preaches.
They infest your mind, parasitic like the leeches.

To crush a leech is cool.
A motionless friggin' fool.

Fool is our professor,an arrogant but naive ass,
Busy teaching crap,whilst I pen poems in class.

Class is permanent we hear, and temporary is form.
When shall we see Ganguly's class?I doubt he'll ever perform.

But perform I will,the turtle will win the race you see,
Pass out of my college,with a sweet gal and a shining degree.

Degree is so easy to gauge,wonder why bbc weather uses farenheit,
Why can't the world use just one single unit, why such great divide?

Divide to rule did the kings,
Learnt in school these things.

Things is what we have become, mechanical & lifeless,
Lead lives devoid of warm ease,& one gorged with cold stress.

Stress busting has become a business these days,
Spend cash & to bash it you'll find a million new ways.

Ways to get girls,I've heard are thosands & many,
None of 'em worked for me,I wonder.For you,did any??

Any soul would do,long for a caring careless chum,
Spend the day watching clouds n chewing gum.


(In complete.To be continued)

I think nothing

Thoughts drift across my head,
Like butterflies over a flower bed.
The alluring colors beckon me to chase them,
But its so facile to just erase them.

Ah!Fuck it. I'm too lazy to think,
Prefer to stare into nothing & blink.
Cuz when I had thought,though were brief,
They left an afterwave of rack and grief.

Now on the flower beds, in peace I lie,
Let the butterfly thoughts just pass me by.
Yes, I think nothing,am averse to try.
For when I do,them colours linger on & never die...

Light My Fire

You fuel the fire that burns inside,
It sparks the passion that's long long died.
But its the passion of hate,cuz its all that I do.
My anger has changed me into someone new.

The fire that burns will char you,it will endevour.
The repurcussions of your act will last forever.
The coldness in you ignites this fire to grow.
Never forget, What you reap is what you sow.

Ignorant Sea of Mediocrity

It is the ignorant sea of mediocrity,
Fools and multitude all over the city.
What purpose serves this bland soul,
Nowhere to go,nothing to control.

The losers will always love the liar,
Like moths they fly towards the fire.
Our apathetic state is heart-wrenching,
Blissful ignorance is soul drenching.

Under the sorcery of the media, we grind,
Bends the truth and distorts the mind.
Politics what does is deceive the masses,
But we always buy the crap,like dumb-asses.

Can we make a difference, i hate to think.
Wasnt it,"Together we swim, together we sink?"
Utopic war against the system, lets start waging.
Wonder how u sit still , O Hell!! I'm Raging....

Sea Of Tormentation

Am I drowning in the sea of tormentation?
Depths way below the critical exasperation.
Had bathed & tasted the Sea of Tranquility,
How did I reach this state of sad and pity?

Why are my thoughts an untangled knot?
So much love I gave, this is what I got.
Head burning, naked to the lethal acid rain,
Shoot,the end,tread the paths of Kurt Cobain.

Am I a loser of precious life,was my hero,Kurt one?
Where is my Nirvana? What have I done?
Guess I will die every night to live on the next day,
To reflect on my Karma amongst anguish and dismay.....

That thing called love

That's love and naught to do about it.
No cure for it,no common remedy,
Just suffer it,Cant live without it.

Just suffer it and be brave.
There are only two things to do,
As my mother says,

Get over it,Or die.
Because I cant pick any of the two,
Here I lie;
Groaning in my pain
And, hopelessly, hoping again...

Rebellion

Dreams turned nightmarish,
Justice has a nexus with crime.
Judges deliver judgement,
Lost in fieldless time.

Burgeoning is corruption,
Devil is the eye of the tempest.
The Satanic rebels have let loose,
Who's gonna save the rest??

They say,"God Please save us",
Kneeling and praying generations rot.
Yeah, I know where your Lord is,
I've flushed him down my shit pot.

Confused

You said I love you million times, but you lied,
Gave every drop of my love, so hard I had tried.
I admit I went wrong many a times though,
But why at the crossroads did you have to go?

Baby, why the hell didn't you leave me before,
Fucking kicked me out like a dog at the door.
Myself in confusion and my mind in a daze,
Should I hate you or love you, All is a haze.

I think I better hate you, cuz thats what u did.
Fell in pleasurable company,like a 10 year old kid.
Compared me to your friends, looks and deeds.
Substituted them for love to satisfy your needs.

I am so hell confused, is my thinking true??
You tore me like paper,we were to stick like glue.
But I have the trinity: the divine,the pen and the pain.
I will strike in your life,for good or for bad,again and again...

The ReasoN Behind The BloG

A friend questioned me,"Raj,why the hell do you blog?
Is it the worthless limelight that u wanna hog?
Why have a theme that's distorted and depressing?
Why project a mindset so distant from the real thing?"

But I ask him,"Did you really know me that less?
To think behind my smile there is always happiness?
I share my joy,but prefer to keep sorrow only to me.
So I blog when I need to be in touch with reality.

So next time you read my blog dear friend,
Try being lesser critical and more kind.
In recognizing the fact that for every line,
A million thoughts have crossed my mind."

Know,what you read is straight from my heart,
Albeit my phase sad and my mood not light.
But sadness and helplessness lead to frustration.
And to break the cycle, I get this drive to write.

Why the hell should I spurn recognition?
I've put in my costly time and stripped my own soul.
And talking about your "Worthless limelight"...
I suggest you can shove it up your asshole."