Confused

You said I love you million times, but you lied,
Gave every drop of my love, so hard I had tried.
I admit I went wrong many a times though,
But why at the crossroads did you have to go?

Baby, why the hell didn't you leave me before,
Fucking kicked me out like a dog at the door.
Myself in confusion and my mind in a daze,
Should I hate you or love you, All is a haze.

I think I better hate you, cuz thats what u did.
Fell in pleasurable company,like a 10 year old kid.
Compared me to your friends, looks and deeds.
Substituted them for love to satisfy your needs.

I am so hell confused, is my thinking true??
You tore me like paper,we were to stick like glue.
But I have the trinity: the divine,the pen and the pain.
I will strike in your life,for good or for bad,again and again...

The ReasoN Behind The BloG

A friend questioned me,"Raj,why the hell do you blog?
Is it the worthless limelight that u wanna hog?
Why have a theme that's distorted and depressing?
Why project a mindset so distant from the real thing?"

But I ask him,"Did you really know me that less?
To think behind my smile there is always happiness?
I share my joy,but prefer to keep sorrow only to me.
So I blog when I need to be in touch with reality.

So next time you read my blog dear friend,
Try being lesser critical and more kind.
In recognizing the fact that for every line,
A million thoughts have crossed my mind."

Know,what you read is straight from my heart,
Albeit my phase sad and my mood not light.
But sadness and helplessness lead to frustration.
And to break the cycle, I get this drive to write.

Why the hell should I spurn recognition?
I've put in my costly time and stripped my own soul.
And talking about your "Worthless limelight"...
I suggest you can shove it up your asshole."

I Hate My Love

I hate you darling , I hate you so much.
I shudder at every thought of your touch.
The feeling that once brought joy to my life,
Has left me hollow with angiush and strife.

Those were the nights when we were one soul,
But days now have spun my life outta control.
I am a loser and my undying love has lost,
A few memoirs remain but at a very heavy cost.

Memories that I will cherish in the days of regret,
Full of your warmth, I would try but never forget.
But my mind is too feeble,for I sinned to love you.
Your love died for me as my boundless love grew.

I leave with a happy note, think I never was.
Roll on with your life, live for a new cause.
In the ocean of new friends, surf in the lovely tides.
Whilst I while away, living in everyday suicides.